Connecticut Elementary School Shooting

I just read in the news today about one of my biggest fears--the school shooting in Connecticut.  :(

I can't fathom why someone would want to walk into a school and shoot anyone, especially innocent children.

As a parent, it is my biggest fear. You send your children to school everyday thinking they'll be safe and that they'll return to you at the end of the day. But that may not always be the case.

And as an educator, you train for the possibility of such horrible events. You go through your day teaching kids, always with the thought that something like that could happen at any moment, but yet you don't believe it'll ever happen... not in your school, not to your class, not to the students who are akin to being your own children.

I'm thinking back to the days of my high school teaching experience and reliving those few times when we had serious school lockdowns because of various situations happening in or around the school... and the fear and confusion of not knowing what was happening and why we were sitting in the dark, huddled together, with the door locked. Thankfully all of those situations never turned into anything terrible, and we were able to move on with our daily schedule soon after.

What I felt then during those times and what the teachers, students, and community in that Connecticut town must be feeling... tenfold.

My prayers and condolences to them.

I'm confused. I'm saddened.

All I know right now is that I must do what I can everyday and hope that I make a difference in the lives of my kids and my students... and that someday they'll grow up to make right choices.

Gratitude and a Happy Thanksgiving

I'm grateful for the ability to think, the passion to keep on learning, and the skills to teach what I learn to others. Life would be mighty boring, if I could not do that everyday.

I’m also grateful for being here in America where hard work pays off. I look at my parents, and I'm reminded of how they came to this country as refugees with nothing but hopes and dreams. I'm thankful for the hard work they put in to raise my 8 siblings and me and to give us the chance to fulfill those hopes and dreams.

And last but not least, I’m thankful for my beautiful, healthy family:

-       my husband, who is so kind, affectionate, and young at heart

-       my oldest daughter, who is so smart, caring, and full of talents she has yet to realize and embrace

-       my middle daughter, who is athletic, talented in writing, and so motherly to her little sister

-       my youngest daughter, whose songs, silliness, and drawings always make our family smile

So much to appreciate.  :)

~ Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. ~

Updated:
Our Thanksgiving feast...

stuffing, yams, noodles, spring rolls, pepper sauce, mashed potatoes, turkey

one of our two turkeys

green bean casserole and scalloped potatoes

cherry pie, pumpkin pie, apple pie, pumpkin bars

blackberry and blueberry margarita. yum! out for drinks and a movie with my sisters and sister-in-law

Election

Yay!

I am happy about Obama's re-election and happy that Elizabeth Warren has won the Senate seat in Massachusetts. She is the greatest, and yes, even though I'm in Wisconsin and obviously she's not my senator, I am still thrilled nonetheless. I love her views and her passion in advocating for consumers and the middle class.

Here in Wisconsin, I'm glad that Tammy Baldwin won for Senate. Wisconsin puzzles me a bit though. Obama took Wisconsin last night, but yet, Republicans have control of state government, and then of course, there's Scott Walker's win in the recall election awhile back. So hmm..... we are obviously a very conflicted and unpredictable state here in Wisconsin.

On another note, seriously, can we get some technology infused into the voting process? It's 2012.

More Photos of Fall

I wish I'd gotten out earlier in the season for photos when more leaves were still clinging to branches and when colors were more vibrant. It's already getting late in the autumn season here in Wisconsin... many of the leaves have already journeyed their way down to the ground, faded and turned dry.

By the way, these photos (with the exception of the last three) were taken with my new camera, which I got for my birthday a couple weeks ago. I hope the quality of them is a little better. I'm still learning how to use the camera...

Learning How to Say No

It's so hard to say no.

I've started on my MBA program and am busy lately with that, in addition to working so much. However, I've just received two contracts to take on more work at one of my part-time jobs. On-the-side jobs.

I know I'm so busy already, and I know I should just say no to the contracts. I know, I know.

But.... but.... haha.... Help me out please. lol

You see, it's not a desire to make more money. I can honestly say that and mean it. I'm fine financially with where I'm at. It's not like I have a great deal money (I'm certainly not overflowing with cash!), but it's enough to cover bills, provide for my family, and still allow for some fun and extra play to make life more interesting and meaningful. I'm fairly good at budgeting and know how to save, so I'm financially content.

It's also not a desire to prove myself to others. I can say that too, because my supervisors and my students at the various places I teach for already give me acknowledgment of the quality of work I put forth. Also, just the simple things, like receiving emails from former students who still think of and use what I have taught them, mean the world to me and affirm the value of my work. Nothing beats that.

And I know my family is proud of me, so it's not that either.

So why do I find it so hard to say no?

Could it be that it is, in fact, the desire for more money and the need to prove myself to others, but I'm just denying it and lying to myself? If so, then my subconscious is doing an excellent job of hiding that from me. lol

Perhaps it's that I need to prove myself to none other than my own self.. if that makes sense. I know that I do have very high expectations for myself in terms of educational and professional goals. It's what pushes me, drives me, makes me say yes. Oftentimes, I take on things knowing full well the challenges. Why? Just to see what I can do.

This current Master's degree that I'm going for is an example of that. It's another Master's degree I'm pursuing for no other reason than that I want to challenge myself. I want to learn and expand my mind. I don't even plan on making a career change after getting this degree, as I already enjoy my current line of work and find great value in what I do.

Sometimes I think about the things I decide to pursue, and I don't know why I put myself through it. It's stressful. But I don't know.... I mean, the drive is there, the motivation. If I don't put it to use, then I feel like it's wasted.

So now back to the two new contracts I've just received to take on more work on the side. I feel like saying yes.

But will you teach me how to say no?

The Autumn Season

I love autumn, when leaves turn into flowers.

Speculations

Sometimes I wonder how the intricacies of life work. The world we live in, the people we meet, the paths we take, the choices that lead us to where we are.

"If I never did this, would this have happened?"

"If I didn't go here at that precise moment, would I have met that person?"

"If I had said this instead of that, would things be any different?"

Perpetual questions that we ask ourselves, and sometimes we find flickers of answers here and there. But most often, they are not truths. Nothing is true for long.

And yet they are questions that never fail to vanish either. They only settle quietly into the dark crevices of our mind and linger there for another melancholy day when our thoughts are full to the brim with the what-ifs of life.

Mysteries.

Speculations.



This tells me I'm human, I suppose.

Just The Girls

Every year, a group of us girls have our annual girl's trip where we gather from all over the state and meet together in one location for a few days of fun. This group consists of my sisters, cousins, nieces, and friends.

This year, we chose to go the slower-paced route. We drove up to Door County in Wisconsin and took the ferry over to Washington Island. Four days and three nights we spent in a vacation home on the lakeshore with the Lake Michigan waves lapping up the shore.

So serene.

That's all I can think of to describe the trip. One of the best girls' trip we've taken, because it was so relaxing and the scenery was beyond spectacular. I had no idea such beauty existed in Wisconsin.

One of the places we stopped at during our bike ride around the island.

Baby smooth stones on one of the beaches. A rarity.

Like a ball of fire. Gorgeous, gorgeous sunsets right in the backyard of our vacation home.

Picking up seashells.

Taking a dip in the water.

Watching the horizon spread its brilliant colors.

Another view of the sunset from our backyard.

Cars taking the ferry over to Washington Island.

Jello shots slices I made for our dart games.

The food, biking, drinking, stories, games, and view of the lake and sun was unbelievable. Best of all, I shared it with some great ladies. Nothing beats that.

Things I Wish I Could Say to People Sometimes...

Why
are you here
wasting my time
if you're not even going to try?

Scenes I Took From Our Summer 2012 Camping Trips

From Peninsula State Park:

From White Lake, WI:

A Craving to Learn

I'm restless. I'm getting bored.

This can only mean one thing: it's back to school time.

No, I'm not referring to my kids, who will be heading back to school come early September. I'm talking about me.

Yes, I want to go back to school for another degree...for no other reason than to learn, explore, and try out new avenues in life.

You see, I love learning. I love trying out new things and seeing what else I'm capable of. If an extended period of time goes by and I don't have that opportunity to keep on learning, I start to get bored.

I know it's kind of crazy, and to be honest, some people don't understand why I enjoy taking classes, reading books, and doing assignments. It's stressful and time consuming to them, so why would I want that? It can only best be described as a sort of craving I get. It's like exercise for my brain and an addiction perhaps to the expansion of thoughts and ideas.

Going back to school is stressful and time consuming for me too, but the bottom line is that I find learning to be infinitely valuable. I could pursue learning new things on my own without going back to school, but I figure that if I'm going to take classes and read up on this or that, then I might as well make it count towards a degree so I can apply what I learn elsewhere.

It's true I have a good career, and I'm one of the few people I know who actually enjoy my job. After all, I get to harvest beautiful minds and malcontents, and that is something that cannot compare to any other job in the world.

But there's a crazy idea I have in me too, that I want to step into other people's shoes and learn what they know, do what they do, see what they see. It's not about money or doing more or being better than anybody else; it is just simply wanting to experience everything the world has to offer. For example, I want to someday dabble in the health field and try out the business world too, among other fields.

A glimpse into another view of life, another way of the world.

A craving to learn.

I think I'm going to go for a Master's in Business Administration. See how that is.

My Skydiving Experience

My husband and I can now cross skydiving off of our bucket list. We went skydiving recently, and yes, it is as thrilling as it looks and more!

The plane we jumped out of.

I had bought a Groupon deal for skydiving, which was through a reservations company called Sportations--bad experience with Sportations, so don't ever go through them! I also found out later that it would've been cheaper to book directly through the skydiving company itself. So boo. Anyway, trying to book the skydiving through Sportations was about the worst of the whole experience. Everything else was great.

Our skydiving was scheduled for 1pm on a Friday. As soon as my husband and I arrived at the skydiving place, we went through training with a skydiving instructor. He used to be a parachutist in the military and has been skydiving for 20+ years. However, he had a broken leg from a recent skydiving experience, so that was not quite comforting. He went over all the gear required, showed us how to arch our back during the free fall, how to pull the parachute, and the various hand signals that would be used during the skydive to communicate.

After that, we filled out paperwork, basically signing our life away twice. Then we watched a video that informed us that we were signing our life away. lol

There was a lady who was scheduled to skydive before us, so we waited and watched as she prepared for her dive and took off in the airplane. Once she made her jump and came back, it was our turn. The harness was put on us and then we were interviewed a little bit for the video that the skydive company would put together and mail out to us later. During this whole time, I was remarkably calm--no nerves at all. I'm not sure why, but being there and seeing everything helped to settle any nerves that I previously had.

We walked over to the airplane, where our tandem instructors went over how we would exit the plane once up in the air and time to make the jump. They explained all the steps and how to position ourselves over the open door. Then they reviewed how to arch the back during free fall and how to pull the parachute. And then we were off!

It was a very small plane. There was just enough space for the pilot, for my husband and his instructor, and for me and my instructor. That pretty much filled up the whole plane. We rolled down the airport runway and took off from the ground. The view was beautiful. The ride up took longer than I expected. At various points during the ride, we were interviewed some more for our video.

Once we were above the clouds and at 10,000 feet, it was time to skydive. My husband and his tandem instructor hooked themselves up together and got in position. My instructor did the same for me; he had me kneel in front of him in order to hook us up securely together. He double-checked all the belts on the harness.

The pilot then opened up the door, and wow, the sound of the wind! I watched as my husband jumped out. Then it was my turn. My instructor had me move next to the door. I did so and kneeled, facing the front of the plane. The door was to my right. My instructor put his right foot out the door and rested it on a small platform out there. Then he had me do the same. At this point, I was saying, "Oh my god!!!"

I placed my hands on my chest. Then my instructor rocked us forward once and said, "Ready..." He rocked us forward twice and said, "Set..." And the third time, he rocked us forward and said, "Arch!" and off we jumped!

During free fall. Seconds after we jumped out of the plane.

I remember going head first, arching my back, and tumbling out of the plane into the open blue sky. The rush of wind and adrenaline at that very moment--WOW! Nothing in the world compares to it. The free fall was crazy and so very incredible. We fell right through clouds and even went through a patch of rain and got a little wet. I'm pretty sure I screamed and swore a couple times. My instructor then tapped my hands, which was the signal for me to open my arms out wide. I did so, and it was like flying. Absolutely amazing.

I did not remember to pull my parachute. I didn't see my instructor give me the signal to do so, but the next thing I knew, I felt a hard tug that jerked my body upright, and I knew that my instructor had pulled the parachute open.

After the parachute opened.

We began a slow, smooth glide back down. During this time, I held two yellow cords (one in each hand) and was able to steer us around. I pulled one side of the cord down and this made us do spins in the air--I got a little motion sickness from this, so if I ever skydive again, I will skip the spins.

During the glide, the scenery was simply beautiful. I could see Lake Michigan and roads, cars, houses, open fields, and little people far down below. It was breathtaking and very calm up there--a lot cooler as well (it felt great compared to the humid 90+ temperatures we've been having).

After a few minutes, we glided down right above the airport and into a field. My tandem instructor told me to lift my legs up and we pretty much slid on our butts right onto the ground. Very smooth and easy landing.

So that was my skydiving experience! Overall, the free fall lasted about 45 seconds and was the best part.

It didn't really hit me what I had done that day, until I climbed into bed that night and was surrounded by nothing but silence and my own thoughts. I replayed the whole experience in my head...and then I was like "HOLY SHIT, I JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE TODAY!!!" What a great feeling to conquer your fears. You only live once, so you might as well seize the day and do those things you've always wanted to do.

By the way, it was also our anniversary. My husband and I took the plunge when we first got married. After many years together, we decided what better way to celebrate than to take the plunge again by skydiving together. What a great way to put an exclamation mark on our marriage. :)

Strawberry Season

Hmm... I wrote this blog post awhile ago but forgot to post it up! Well, anyway, it is strawberry season here in Wisconsin, and I am full of strawberries galore! I have a small patch in my backyard (pic above) and then my parents have a large patch (pic below is of strawberries from their garden).

With the strawberries, I have been making smoothies, sundaes, shortcake, fruit pizza, and cake. Today I went to pick more from my parents' garden and am making jam with them.

So delicious, but I'm running out of ideas for what to do with them. Any suggestions?

Reaction to Wisconsin Recall Election

I'm sitting here on my laptop watching the Wisconsin recall election results come in, and I have one thing to say. Okay, maybe a few things. But mainly, I just want to say WTF. Scott Walker declared the winner by mainstream media so early in the race (something like 21% of precincts reporting)? WTF. And when people were still in line waiting to vote? WTF again.

It seems to me that this election was sold to the highest bidder. Scott Walker had about $30 million over Tom Barrett's $3 million. Huuuuge, huge difference and huge amounts from corporate donors. Obviously the one with the most money wins. And we have the Citizens United case and the U.S. Supreme Court to thank for that.

We are increasingly living in a Plutocracy and not a Democracy. Those who voted for Walker did not vote for themselves; they voted for the millionaires and billionaires and for the lobbyists.

On a lighter note, is it possible to hop on a boat and cross over to Canada? Or are they just as bad?

What is LOVE?

Four quotes to think about:

"When a couple falls out of love, they may begin to really love."

"The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love…True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision."

"Love is a form of work or a form of courage."

"The desire to love is not love itself…Love is an act of will…Will implies choice…if we are in fact not loving, it is because we have chosen not to love and therefore do not love despite our good intentions."

- M. Scott Peck, M.D.

These four quotes on love are various passages from one of my all-time favorite books, The Road Less Traveled, given to me by a dear friend. A long time ago, this book helped me find satisfaction and happiness in my life, especially in regards to love. After reading this book, I came to realize that true love is a choice you make about your partner. It is not at first a feeling, but a choice. Not a matter of the heart, but of the mind. Only after you've made the choice to love him or her can you move forward to feeling what true love feels like. And that feeling is not one of butterflies in the stomach or weak knees. The easiest way for me to describe it is quite simply satisfaction, comfort, and acceptance. I know, I know--it doesn't sound as glamorous as the popular romanticized version of "love," but one thing is for sure: I'm a lot happier now than I was before.

So no matter what stage you are in life, whether you have found love or not, may you find these quotes as helpful as I have.

An Observation on Life

Life is an intricate blend of heavenly highs and earthly lows.

Today I hit a low, a small dip. Thank goodness for good friends and family. And kids. Mostly kids who, with a single word or a sweet smile, can bring you up a couple notches back towards heavenly high. I love my kids.

And now that I think about it, I'm glad for these earthly lows. They serve as great reminders to keep us grounded.

For that is important too.

Letter to a Friend

Dear friend,

Today, I was just thinking that we have been friends for nearly half of my life. Although there is a distance of time and space between us, I still consider you among one of my greatest friends.

In many ways, we know each other quite well. We think alike, we enjoy the same things, the same hobbies, same interests, same views on many topics. And yet sometimes I feel as though we don't know each other at all.

I often wish we could be more a part of each other's life. But it seems we have this habit of coming and going...and a bit of reluctance as well. Please know that my mouth may not say it, but I think of you from time to time. Know that I am always wishing the best for you.

Signed,
Your Friend

Equilibrium

Life is polar in nature.

As examples, war or peace, black or white, north or south, good or bad.

We are always asking which is better.

But they are opposites.

Both are extremes.

In the middle is where reality lies; so also lies balance.

It is the wise person who understands this and an even wiser one who succeeds in moving towards one end of the pole versus the other and to what degree, for any given situation.

Balance, if obtained, will fulfill life more than anything else.

Books and Why They Are My Treasures

 

To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.

                                                           ~ Victor Hugo

One of Life's Realizations

Just realized...

You can tell yourself a lie, knowing full well its falseness, and still convince yourself to believe in it. Whole-heartedly.

It is, in fact, harder to lie to others than it is to lie to yourself. Why?

Beautiful night out by the lake...

I recently had a lake shore picnic with my family. We were fortunate enough to catch the sunset, and although all I had with me was my iPhone, these were a couple shots I got.

Sometimes all it takes is a couple hours out by the lake, watching the sun set... for all your worries to melt away.

Absolutely beautiful. Plain and simple.

Bleh... I'm a freakin' work-a-holic... :(

Work overload. I haven't had time to write any new blog posts in awhile....

I realized this month that I'm a work-a-holic. At the start of this 2012 year, I was hired on as a full-time professor for one of the colleges that I've been adjuncting at (yay! because that rarely happens in the field of online college education). However, I am still continuing to work part-time for my other two colleges... I am not willing to let them go. Yet. Until I absolutely have to.

Why do I do this to myself? I work a lot. Every day. On weekends. On vacations. Sometimes through the night.

I need to take the advice of this sticky note:

*sigh* Harder than it sounds. Most of my life has been consumed with either working a lot or studying a lot. I don't know what else to do if not for those things. In fact, I am thinking of going back to attend college for another degree... yes, even as I ponder the fact that I work far too much for my own good and for my own family's good. I understand that pursuing another degree right now may not be the best thing to do. But....

(What's wrong with me?)

Prejudice and Discrimination

I consider myself a fairly open-minded person. It doesn’t matter that much to me what race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, social class, or political party you belong to. I’m not perfectly nonjudgmental though, of course. It’s natural to have some prejudices and biases. I’m just saying that I think it’s only fair to examine each person as an individual, and not assume they are like others in whatever “group” they belong to or identify with. I’ll give you an example.

Once, when I was still teaching high school, the district had all teachers participate in a diversity workshop. One of the activities we did was to stand shoulder-to-shoulder in a line in the middle of the room. Then the presenter asked questions and we each had to take a step forward if our answer was “yes” and a step back if our answer was “no.” Since this involved personal information, we each had the option to bow out if we chose to. I decided, “What the heck?” and jumped in line, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with others.

“Are you Caucasian?” the presenter asked. I’m Hmong-American, so my answer was “no.” I took a step back.

“Are you male?” I took another step back.

“As a child, was your family considered middle class or higher?” Nope, we were poor as dirt and lived paycheck to paycheck. Another step back.

“Do you have a college education?” Yes. A step forward, finally.

“Does at least one of your parents have a college education?” Darn, neither of my parents had even a high school degree. Another step back.

The presenter continued in this manner, asking a series of questions related to our background and personal life. At the end of the activity, guess what? I was all the way in the back of the room, the very last person. It meant that out of everyone there, I was the person with the most disadvantages in society. Well, that wasn’t news to me. I had experienced a lot of hurdles in my life, so I didn’t need a workshop activity to tell me just how disadvantaged I was.

But I did understand the purpose of the activity. It was meant to show the varying degrees of differences we had in the room. We were all teachers, all relatively intelligent, all making somewhat of a decent living, and yet there was a wide spectrum of life experiences between all of us.

The students we see daily in our classrooms would be no different. Some of us teachers taught at schools that were better off and were predominantly white—the presumably “preppy” schools. Some of us taught at schools with a high poverty rate and high number of ethnic minorities—the so called “ghetto” schools. At the time of this workshop, I taught English at the “ghetto” school, but would later be transferred to a more “preppy” school.

In my experiences at both kinds of schools, it’s true that no matter where you teach and no matter what the demographics suggest, differences exist. They will always exist. This is true, not just in schools, but in all aspects of life.

Regardless of...

-       your life experiences

-       the race, gender, or other innate qualities you were born with

-       your job

-       the neighborhood you live in

-       the kind of car you drive

-       etc....

...the truth is everybody deserves a chance to fulfill their dreams and goals. We all need to look pass differences and allow each other the chance to find happiness in his or her own life. Sometimes, we need to give each other a helping hand once in awhile too. Where would I be if I were never afforded some great opportunities and never had the help of some great people along the way?