Saturday, October 13, 2012

Learning How to Say No

It's so hard to say no.

I've started on my MBA program and am busy lately with that, in addition to working so much. However, I've just received two contracts to take on more work at one of my part-time jobs. On-the-side jobs.

I know I'm so busy already, and I know I should just say no to the contracts. I know, I know.

But.... but.... haha.... Help me out please. lol

You see, it's not a desire to make more money. I can honestly say that and mean it. I'm fine financially with where I'm at. It's not like I have a great deal money (I'm certainly not overflowing with cash!), but it's enough to cover bills, provide for my family, and still allow for some fun and extra play to make life more interesting and meaningful. I'm fairly good at budgeting and know how to save, so I'm financially content.

It's also not a desire to prove myself to others. I can say that too, because my supervisors and my students at the various places I teach for already give me acknowledgment of the quality of work I put forth. Also, just the simple things, like receiving emails from former students who still think of and use what I have taught them, mean the world to me and affirm the value of my work. Nothing beats that.

And I know my family is proud of me, so it's not that either.

So why do I find it so hard to say no?

Could it be that it is, in fact, the desire for more money and the need to prove myself to others, but I'm just denying it and lying to myself? If so, then my subconscious is doing an excellent job of hiding that from me. lol

Perhaps it's that I need to prove myself to none other than my own self.. if that makes sense. I know that I do have very high expectations for myself in terms of educational and professional goals. It's what pushes me, drives me, makes me say yes. Oftentimes, I take on things knowing full well the challenges. Why? Just to see what I can do.

This current Master's degree that I'm going for is an example of that. It's another Master's degree I'm pursuing for no other reason than that I want to challenge myself. I want to learn and expand my mind. I don't even plan on making a career change after getting this degree, as I already enjoy my current line of work and find great value in what I do.

Sometimes I think about the things I decide to pursue, and I don't know why I put myself through it. It's stressful. But I don't know.... I mean, the drive is there, the motivation. If I don't put it to use, then I feel like it's wasted.

So now back to the two new contracts I've just received to take on more work on the side. I feel like saying yes.

But will you teach me how to say no?

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