Anyone with experience in this area, please provide some advice on how to raise daughters! Truly, it is drama at our house everyday--no joking. This is mostly in regards to my oldest daughter, who is not even a teenager yet...which causes me to really fear the actual teenage years.
My daughter has had some big projects for school. A month ago, she had to pick a book and she chose Inkdeath, which is something like 500 pages long. She had to read it and do a big project/presentation on it for Language Arts. Well, it turned out she couldn't finish it on time, so every night the week before the due date, she stressed out about it, cried, and when we tried to help or give suggestions, she'd yell and give us attitude.
And this week...2 big school things that pretty much piled on the drama for us. Monday night, my daughter told us that she needed an Egyptian costume for Wednesday. Apparently, she had known about this for a couple weeks but it had slipped her mind. So she asked if we could take her to find a costume or make one. I wasn't happy about that, since it was already Monday evening when she told us, so I said "Not today." Tuesday, my husband and I both had work obligations to fulfill outside of the regular work hours, and neither of us got home until 7pm. Naturally, I suppose, this led to my daughter freaking out quite a bit. So despite my husband and I both having had a long 10+ hour workday, we still spent Tuesday night cutting up a bed sheet, wrapping it around her, trying to figure out what the hell Egyptians wore. Why couldn't it be "Greek Week" instead? That would have been so much easier. Finally, when we were almost done, my daughter decided it wasn't cool enough to wear, too embarrassing. She didn't have an alternate choice though, not when she needed it for the next day.
Then she also had to make a homemade 1-minute timer that we've been working on for a couple weeks with her. We built this thing that has cups on different levels and she pours water into the top cup and it drains through a hole into a 2nd and then 3rd cup. We measured water and timed it to drain for exactly 1-minute. Well, today, she comes home and says, "Some people did their 1-minute timers in class, and theirs are way better than mine. And so many people already did the same thing I did, so I don't want to do mine anymore!" So my husband figured she could do this other thing with an Alka-Seltzer tablet and water, set it to fizz for 1-minute before the top pops off. They went off to the store to buy supplies, came back, tried it, and couldn't get it to time perfectly. So then she got very upset, cried, etc. And this thing is due tomorrow. She's just going to have to go with her original water and cups idea.
I understand that for kids, there's a lot at stake when it comes to their reputation at school. And I totally get it that it sucks to be the "nerdy/dumb/ugly" one that sticks out like a sore thumb. But man, the drama that comes along with all of this!!! Is this normal? I'm thinking "yes" but at the same time, I'm thinking, "Was I like this too, when I was her age???" I don't remember being that way a whole lot. When I had projects like these, my parents didn't help (they couldn't--as refugees who had no formal education in their old country, my parents didn't know about school stuff). I did these things entirely on my own, and that was it. The end. No big drama playing out everyday.
But maybe it's because circumstances have changed? Because unlike my parents, I do know about school, I do know how to help my kids with homework, I do have the money to buy things for projects. And maybe my kids are spoiled? I'm not quite sure what's going on.
I'm just thinking ahead to my daughter's teenage years, and I'm already sighing in anticipation. I'm not even allowing myself to think yet about the fact that I have TWO OTHER GIRLS who have yet to go through THEIR drama-filled years! Girls are less naughty when they're little but when they get older...**sigh**
And this week...2 big school things that pretty much piled on the drama for us. Monday night, my daughter told us that she needed an Egyptian costume for Wednesday. Apparently, she had known about this for a couple weeks but it had slipped her mind. So she asked if we could take her to find a costume or make one. I wasn't happy about that, since it was already Monday evening when she told us, so I said "Not today." Tuesday, my husband and I both had work obligations to fulfill outside of the regular work hours, and neither of us got home until 7pm. Naturally, I suppose, this led to my daughter freaking out quite a bit. So despite my husband and I both having had a long 10+ hour workday, we still spent Tuesday night cutting up a bed sheet, wrapping it around her, trying to figure out what the hell Egyptians wore. Why couldn't it be "Greek Week" instead? That would have been so much easier. Finally, when we were almost done, my daughter decided it wasn't cool enough to wear, too embarrassing. She didn't have an alternate choice though, not when she needed it for the next day.
Then she also had to make a homemade 1-minute timer that we've been working on for a couple weeks with her. We built this thing that has cups on different levels and she pours water into the top cup and it drains through a hole into a 2nd and then 3rd cup. We measured water and timed it to drain for exactly 1-minute. Well, today, she comes home and says, "Some people did their 1-minute timers in class, and theirs are way better than mine. And so many people already did the same thing I did, so I don't want to do mine anymore!" So my husband figured she could do this other thing with an Alka-Seltzer tablet and water, set it to fizz for 1-minute before the top pops off. They went off to the store to buy supplies, came back, tried it, and couldn't get it to time perfectly. So then she got very upset, cried, etc. And this thing is due tomorrow. She's just going to have to go with her original water and cups idea.
I understand that for kids, there's a lot at stake when it comes to their reputation at school. And I totally get it that it sucks to be the "nerdy/dumb/ugly" one that sticks out like a sore thumb. But man, the drama that comes along with all of this!!! Is this normal? I'm thinking "yes" but at the same time, I'm thinking, "Was I like this too, when I was her age???" I don't remember being that way a whole lot. When I had projects like these, my parents didn't help (they couldn't--as refugees who had no formal education in their old country, my parents didn't know about school stuff). I did these things entirely on my own, and that was it. The end. No big drama playing out everyday.
But maybe it's because circumstances have changed? Because unlike my parents, I do know about school, I do know how to help my kids with homework, I do have the money to buy things for projects. And maybe my kids are spoiled? I'm not quite sure what's going on.
I'm just thinking ahead to my daughter's teenage years, and I'm already sighing in anticipation. I'm not even allowing myself to think yet about the fact that I have TWO OTHER GIRLS who have yet to go through THEIR drama-filled years! Girls are less naughty when they're little but when they get older...**sigh**
Are boys like this too?
8 comments:
Mine are almost safely grown up now. I remember exactly what you are writing about. I think that there is more pressure on kids in class because parents are more involved.
As you say, you muddled through on your own without much drama, I was the same.
My youngest son was more difficult and I think it was because I helped him too much; You wrote: "Apparently, she had known about this for a couple weeks but it had slipped her mind." Perhaps she's depending on you too much to get her through these projects?
Anji, thanks for your thoughts on this. Maybe you're right about my daughter depending on me too much. I think back to when I was in school and how I had to do everything on my own. It was difficult, but I have to say that it made me think for myself and learn to problem-solve. Those are skills I'd like my kids to develop as well, but I want to still be there for them at the same time. It comes down to finding a balance, huh?
This all sounds very familiar, both as a parent and as a teacher. It sounds like your family needs a big calendar, maybe a write-on wipe-off, where deadlines can be posted, etc. If it doesn't get posted, and you don't see progress being made on her own to accomplish it, then maybe she needs to learn now from the problems her poor planning cause and suffer the consequences.
It's never easy to know when to "save" them and when to let them sink or swim, so I can't tell you what to do. Only giving some ideas for you to think about.
I found you on the ExposeYourBlog forum.
I can relate. I have two daughters, 20 and 16, therefore there has much drama in our house.
Last minute surprises are very stressful for everyone. I think
Dirty Butter is spot on with her suggestion about the white board where deadlines are posted for all to see.
Dirty Butter, good suggestion with the calendar. I'll have to give that a try. I used to teach high school, but in that situation, I could fall back on the parents most of the time to help out. As a parent though, it's more difficult to let them sink or swim--since you know you're the parent and they'll come back to you in the end.
Cube, so what's it like when they get into high school? Any more or less drama than what I'm currently experiencing?
MK Chang: Oh, there will be drama. It's just that in high school the nature of the drama changes. Sure, it can be about silly things (like it was when they were younger), but it can also be about serious subjects.
Thank goodness my girls didn't stray into drugs, alcohol, hanging out with the wrong crowd, etc., but I'll give you an example:
My youngest wants to be with her friends during much of her free time. There is always a plan to go somewhere and do something. If we're busy, she'll want
want to take my car. At 16, we don't want her driving around by herself so we say "NO". Act 1 usually begins with
"you never let me do anything",
Act 2 might contain the occasional waterworks, and the Finale... the inevitable "you're ruining my life".
*sigh*
We try to stay calm and not escalate the drama. After all, we're the parents and they're the kids.
That's why I say enjoy your kids while they're little because they grow up in the blink of an eye.
Cube, yeah, they do grow up fast. Thanks for the advice.
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