This past summer, I finally learned that it's okay to do things for myself--to treat myself to things simply because I WANT to. Those of you who know me know that I'm extremely frugal with money.
Growing up, I never had money. I remember being a little kid and waking up at 5am to pick cucumbers so I'd have money to pay for school supplies and new clothes. After a long day of working in the scorching sun, I'd earn $20 and I'd think I was rich. I'd go home and dream all night of picking cucumbers and feeling the leaves scratching my arms, the thorny cucumbers pricking my fingers. It was such hard work that it'd haunt me in my dreams.
So now, as an adult, money is very valuable to me and it makes me uncomfortable to squander it away. If anything I want to get for myself is merely a "want," I've always said, "Forget it. I don't NEED it, so I won't get it." Before I spend money, I'm always thinking, "Instead of buying this, I could be paying this bill or that bill. I could be buying the kids this or that instead. I could be saving this money for something important." That's how I've always talked myself out of spending money on what I want. The kids were an exception to my "no squandering" rule because I wanted to give them all the things I never had as a kid.
So finally this past summer, I came to realize that I'm no longer poor, but I still have the "living poor" mentality. Another thing I realized was that I've been holding back on all these things I want, and yet, other people aren't. My husband, for example, can go out and spend hundreds of dollars at one time on something for himself. My kids aren't holding back either. The $20 that made me feel like a millionaire as a kid are like cents to them.
So as a result of my revelations, one thing I'm having done soon is Lasik eye surgery. I picked the doctor with the best technology for the surgery and really great experience. Yes, he's almost $2000 more expensive than others, but I do deserve the best. And Lasik is what I've been wanting to do for nearly 10 years now, and I'm finally doing it regardless of cost!!!
It feels good just to be taking care of myself the way I've always wanted to. I'm glad I'm finally doing these things. And the best part? I don't really have any guilt about spending the money. I've worked hard and pushed myself for years to get to where I'm at today. It wasn't easy being married and having kids young. So I'm very worthy of spoiling myself once in awhile.
Next up? Traveling. It ranks as one of my top five things I want to do before I die. I have to start making a list of places I really want to experience. Any suggestions for me?
(reposted from my old myspace blog)
7 comments:
Sounds like my upbringing... well, except for the cucumber part. I used to paint our house for extra money from my Dad.
My daughters call me cheap, but I prefer to think of myself as a thrifty person who hates wastefulness.
I have presbyopia myself, but I'm fretful about Lasik. Maybe one day I'll get over my jitters.
Getting the best doctor, no matter how expensive, is the right way to go. Fill us in on well your eyes work so we can all be green with envy while we reach for our glasses ;-)
I forgot to leave my suggestion for travel... Egypt, but not anytime soon.
To cube: Ah, yes, Egypt. The pyramids must be quite a sight to see! Have you been there? I'll post up details about my eye surgery in the near future. :)
I've never been to Egypt, but the pyramids and the Sphinx have called to me for many years. I guess it's on my bucket list, but given the turmoil in that part of the world, it may be just a pipedream.
i'm confused. didn't you already do your lasik surgery??
i've done TWO things on my bucket list: go to Thailand and see 2PM in concert. now i just have to do my #1 thing and the rest won't matter as much, but i'll still want to do them. but my biggest dream: see Bird LIVE in concert. i can't believe i let it slip away from me last year. i was thisclose to having that dream come true. but baby steps.. i gotta keep taking baby steps to reach it... one of these days, i'll get there!!
Love, yep. I'm going to do a few blog posts for my Lasik sometime soon. For some reason, I have very little desire to visit Asian countries, like Thailand and such. The only thing that interests me is the Great Wall of China. Next time you have a chance to see Bird in concert, you'll definitely have to go! It may never happen again!
we'll have to do Italy and Spain together.. i also wanna go to France. You've never been into the Asian scene like the rest of us FOBs. LOL. we're already planning our next Thailand trip.. this December if we can afford it.
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