Good Bye to 2011 and Well-Wishes for 2012

Normally the start of a new year is not a big deal to me. But this time, I am eagerly awaiting 2012 and praying for a year of peace and no major mishaps.

This is mainly because 2011 has not been a fantastic year for me. It started off with great hope and optimism, but I think it'd be fair to say that all of that quickly subsided within the first four months of the year and was replaced by stress in my personal and professional life. There were a couple scares in my family regarding health, and that is always a big wake-up call. Another area of disappointment for me is that I didn't do much writing at all; in fact, I honestly didn't do ANY writing at all. None in reference to my goal of writing and getting published. That, to me, is a big fail on my part.

2011 has been a strange year, to say the least, and I think this applies not only to me but to many others I know and to the world at large. There were so many big incidences this year related to weather, politics, economy, societal issues, etc. Such a weird year it seems. I don't recall so much discontentment in one year.

But with 2012 coming, I look forward to restoring the hope and optimism that was my 2011 goal. I am, however, more cautiously optimistic and hopeful. I think I've done a bit of "growing up" in 2011.

Anyway, best wishes to you for 2012. May you have a wonderful New Year full of hope and optimism!

Bullying

A powerful video on bullying:

And then a response to the above video, just as powerful:

What you say & do can affect others in ways you’ll never know. What you DON’T say or DON’T do also has the same affect.

The Greatest Speech Ever Made

Sometimes when I'm feeling down and like the world sucks entirely too much, I watch this video. It never fails to give me a little hope.

On Being a Teacher...and Gratitude for Those Who Do It.

Although I’m no longer a public school teacher, in many ways, I still think like one, and in my heart, I still feel like one. All of the negative attention given lately to teachers hits home for me, so I want to take a little bit of time to explain what it’s like to be a teacher and to do the job day in and day out. These are some of the experiences I encountered and some of the thoughts I had when I taught public schools.

First of all, teaching is without a doubt one of the greatest careers in the world. I'm sure you've heard that before.

However, it's only great if you like kids, and even then, only if you have infinite positivity and patience. Sometimes kids can drive you nuts and make you wonder, "Was I ever like that??? No. Nooo way."

But then you probably were like that too...in some ways. Like when you skipped school once, or twice, or more. Or ran away from home once, or twice, or more.

And in other ways, you were very different.

You didn't have to deal with the heat being turned off in the middle of winter because your parents couldn't pay the bills, and you were so cold and near freezing in your bed that you didn’t get any sleep. That's why you couldn't concentrate on the state test and failed it the next day in school.

You never felt like you had to bring a knife to school because some kid kept bullying you.

And when you were little, your mom or dad never:  died, divorced, brought in a friend who raped you, spent time in prison, killed your other parent in front of you, gave you up or left you forever at someone's house. You never went through any of those things that some of your students have. Many of your students have.

And then you realize just how much past experiences affect a person and why he or she behaves that way. It makes sense.

Sometimes parents think you should parent their kids for them.

Sometimes you call 20 parents and only get 3 calls back. And when you try calling again, they finally pick up but they're drunk as hell.

Sometimes after you call and talk to them, you find out the next day that they beat their kid up because you called about a tardiness problem.

Sometimes principals forget what it's really like to be in the classroom everyday. With the kids everyday.

They forget the hard work and time involved in teaching. They expect you to take on more duties and responsibilities. Or they give you the crappiest teaching schedule ever. Or say and do things that imply you're not a professional.

Sometimes it's other teachers whose negativity starts to rub off on you. Whining and complaining really drains your energy and your outlook on things.

Sometimes people who don't know anything about teaching think that it's the easiest job.

And that you're overpaid.

Sometimes they think they own you because your salary is paid for with their tax money. They think they have a right to tell you what to do in the classroom and how to do it, even though you’re the one with the multiple education degrees and years of teaching experience.

Even lawmakers think they know more about education than you do.

But none of those people know what it’s like to stand up in front of a class of 30 kids and have to tell them that one of their peers committed suicide last night.

None of those people who criticize you know what it’s like to put on a strong face and comfort those crying kids, when inside all you want to do is to burst into tears yourself. When inside, you’re consumed with questions of what else you could have done to save that kid.

Other times, it’s cancer or a car accident that has taken the life of a student and you have to break the news to the class.

Or you have to explain about the planes hitting the World Trade Center and you have to calm your students’ fears. Or tell them who Osama Bin Laden is. And what about that Saddam Hussein guy?

You calmly answer their questions. And then ever so gracefully, you transition to the lesson you had planned for the day. You try to get the students’ minds away from the worries of the world.

A part of you just really wishes you could shield them from the world’s evils altogether.

Sometimes people are insanely jealous over the notion that you get summers off.

But they don't realize that most teachers are either: (a) working a summer job to make ends meet, and yes, some of that money will go towards buying classroom supplies, (b) taking graduate classes at their own expense to improve their knowledge and teaching skills and to keep their teaching license, (c) attending workshops/meetings for new curriculums and programs, (d) preparing for the next school year, (e) working with others to analyze data and figure out how to best help all kids, or (f) all of the above and more.

But all in all, teaching is truly one of the greatest jobs in the world. And I really do mean that, despite all the stuff mentioned above.

Especially when that one kid finally got the answer right, but most importantly she can explain why or how it’s the right answer. And another one told you that you're his favorite teacher, and he wasn't just sucking up to you. That other kid from 6 years back who's no longer a kid still emails you once in awhile. And then sometimes you get a hug or a nice letter from a student. Or you get nominated for a teaching award.

Sometimes, the best feeling is to just know your students get to walk off that stage with a diploma in their hands, even if they forget to thank you for helping them.

Yes, it's fair to say I had a sort of love/hate relationship with my job when I was teaching public schools. A few times, I was on the brink of teacher burnout.

But no matter what, I always felt I was blessedly stuck, if that makes any sense.

Because no matter what, I knew with a clear certainty that there was no other job in the world more worthy. And that was something I always had at the end of the day. Most other people in my life could not say the same about their jobs.

I miss being back in the high school classroom. I teach in the private sector now for online colleges, which is more convenient and easier on my family.

I also now work half the hours that I used to as a public school teacher, and I still make the same amount of pay. That tells you just how underpaid public school teachers really are for the amount of work they do.

I would like teachers to know this: In the face of all the recent negativity towards teachers, hold your head up high. You impact the future generations, and therefore you are at the core of how we are going to change this world around.

I am amazed everyday at what you continue to do. Thank you.

Two Year Old Girl from China, Yue Yue

Outrage. Sorrow. Appall. Sickening. There are so many words to describe the reactions to China's hit-and-run girl, the two-year-old named Yue Yue who was left for dead after being run over twice by separate drivers and then ignored in the middle of the road by 18 passersby.

Yue Yue attended to by hospital staff

I feel all of those emotions, but to be honest, I'm also very confused. I don't know what to make of it. I can't wrap my brain around why it happened--why so many people saw her injured body and just walked away. I can't understand it no matter how hard I've tried, and it's really, very bothersome.

You see, I'm the type of person who needs some sort of logical, scientific explanation...such as "The human body, when confronted with a situation such as this, will naturally do this or that as proven by several studies done by so-and-so." But you know what? None of that would even come close to explaining the apparent apathy of the passersby or the drivers of those two vehicles. Because for once, a scientific explanation just doesn't work (I never thought I'd say that). Simply put, it is just an excuse.

I have been reading news stories to see what the passersby and the drivers have to say for themselves, and all of their explanations are again just excuses. Bullshit. And then I've been reading about the world's reaction and China's reaction, and again, more excuses and bullshit.

The little girl died yesterday (Friday, Oct. 21). Some people are saying she died to teach the world a lesson. But about what? That we're cruel and that the world we live in is evil? That we need to change? All of this we knew already. Furthermore, so many of the reactions to this story are negative ones that I'm not sure what kind of lessons we are learning. It's instead bringing out racism, hate, fear, anger...all the negative things. We are so quick to make sweeping conclusions. I don't think it's any one person's fault. 20 or more people could easily be blamed. An entire nation could be blamed. But mostly it's humanity that's failed. How sad.

I say that humanity has failed because regardless of nationality, race, religion, government, income level, etc., there is still right and wrong. There is a universal moral code, isn't there? At least I once believed in that but perhaps it's now been superseded by our environment. The old argument of nature vs. nurture. We have a natural disposition of responding to certain moral situations, don't we? Isn't that what makes us "human"? What has happened to our moral code?

There are so many explanations as to why nobody stopped to help Yue Yue. This article, We Are All Yue Yue, tries to explain. But in the end, all of these explanations do not suffice to me. Not one bit. And that is so perplexing.

Perhaps, however, we're asking the wrong question. Perhaps we should be asking: Will Yue Yue's death make a difference? I can't say for sure, but I am left with the feeling that I must go hug my kids close to me. Because I now have a reaffirmed love and gratitude for my children. And yes, also because I'm damn afraid of letting my kids go out into a world that evil. But they say that kids are the future, and clearly this problem with morality will not be solved quickly or easily, even if laws are enacted on behalf of Yue Yue. So I will start there, by holding my kids close, by loving them, teaching them the right things, and hoping that they will prove to be a better lot of adult humans than we currently are. One small step and a lot of hope for a changed future.

Why are protestors occupying Wall Street?

The question I repeatedly hear and read about is this: What do those protestors at Occupy Wall Street and other cities want???

A few resources that I think are worth viewing/reading:

Why #OccupyWallStreet? 4 Reasons

Occupy Together

We're Not Broke, Just Twisted

and the We are the 99 Percent blog as well as the Occupy Wall Street website.

It's not a Republicans vs. Democrats thing, or a conservative vs. liberals thing. It is just people trying to live and wanting a fair shot at life. That's all. But it's becoming increasingly difficult to do that. The economy is extremely skewed. Big corporations and the super-wealthy use their money to buy the favor of politicians and influence policies that are a huge disadvantage to the common person. I don't think enough Americans understand that this is the problem with our economy.

So why Occupy Wall Street? To draw attention to the real problem. That's a big step in the right direction for our country and it will start the process of looking for serious resolutions to these issues. Unlike big corporations, the common person doesn't have the power of money on his side. But with millions of others just like him--standing together--there is power in numbers. And that is something the big corporations will never have, no matter how many billions or trillions of dollars they hold.

Bad Time to be a Teacher

Wouldn't it suck if you got a pay cut that would have otherwise paid for your monthly electric bill, phone bill, internet bill, and water bill? And wouldn't it suck even more if your boss tells you that not only do you get a pay cut but you have to put in more time at work?

That's exactly my husband's situation as a public school teacher in Wisconsin. He recently got his first paycheck of the new school year, and that was when we realized exactly the extent of how Scott Walker's Act 10 will affect our family's finances. We will have to pay for those bills somehow and try to also save some money, if that's possible.

My husband already works three jobs. He teaches high school during the day, teaches on Saturdays at the technical college, and does home presentations selling knives on occasion. He is now thinking of being a referee in the evenings for volleyball leagues as a fourth job. As for me, I adjunct for three colleges and I'm constantly keeping an eye out for any new openings. I used to advise after school clubs and work at the local newspaper too, but with little kids at home, it became too hard to balance. Next year, when my youngest child is old enough to go to school part-time, perhaps I'll get another job to work during those few hours each day when she's at school or try to add a fourth college to teach for. We'll have to see how things go this year with our finances. It's stressful and we have to make every dollar stretch.

But what else are we supposed to do?

True, it's nothing new. My husband and I, as educators, are used to working multiple jobs. We're used to being underpaid (despite both of us having masters degrees) and having to always supplement our income with other jobs. We do it and have done so for the past 10 years. Why? Because we enjoy teaching. It's a fulfilling career, and personally, I don't know many people who can say that about their job.

But after seeing my husband's first paycheck of the school year, the first since the implementation of Scott Walker's budget bill, I'm beginning to wonder what other sacrifices we can possibly make.

What more can be taken from us? What more do we, as educators, have to give up in order to keep teaching and doing what we love? And of course, the underlying question...at what point do we give up being educators?

**sigh** Just had to complain for awhile there.

9/11

On 9/11/01, I was on my way to my morning college class and then I would be heading over to the nearby school to put in some teaching practicum hours. I turned the radio on in my car and some guy was talking about airplanes hitting buildings in New York, and I thought, "What the hell? This has gotta be fake." I flipped to another radio station only to find that ALL of them were reporting on the twin towers being hit. I walked into my classroom and it was dead silent. People were gazing off with the hollow, distant look of confusion, fear, and sadness. I remember my professor getting up in front and trying to start class, but within 15 minutes, it was clear our minds were elsewhere. He dismissed us and sent us home.

I still did not really grasp what the situation was, but I remember later that night, the full force hitting me as I watched the video clips of the planes hitting the towers, another one slamming into the pentagon, and one burning in that field in Pennsylvania.

I remember the goosebumps rising on my skin and crawling to the back of my neck as the video footage played over and over again on my television screen. Later in the darkness of my bedroom, it would play over and over again in my mind. Part of what hit me the hardest was that an attack was actually happening right here in America. But another part of me thought, "So this is what it feels like to be all those other countries."

Let's remember those in America who have been impacted by the attacks of 9/11. But let's also remember those all over the world for whom war and attacks are a regular part of life.

That good, ol' "back to school" feeling...

I miss it! I've been out of the physical classroom as a teacher for two years and I miss the feeling of back to school.

The excitement and anticipation of students coming back.

The burst of new ideas for lessons and activities.

The arranging and re-arranging of desks, tables, and chairs, and trying to make the most of classroom space.

The creation of bulletin boards.

Getting school supplies and books stored and ready for use.

Writing beginning-of-the-school-year letters to parents and students.

Seeing colleagues, catching up on what's new, and exchanging ideas.

There is just something about this time of year that I've always enjoyed as a teacher. It feels like the start of something new and great. Such an optimistic time of year full of energy, excitement, and sense of renewal.

Good luck to all of you who are going back to school--teachers, students, young and old!

GREAT Blog Post by a Teacher: I Ruined Everything

Brandi Martin, an art teacher in Illinois, wrote a blog post that's worth sharing and reading ten times over. It's called I Ruined Everything and is about the barrage of negative and often outright despicable comments aimed at teachers.

I live in Wisconsin, where the governor, Scott Walker, declared six months ago that teachers and other public workers are the enemies of society, that public workers are the reason for the state (and the nation) being in so much debt. Walker essentially encouraged others to believe in this notion as well, and ever since then, I have heard and read countless cruel and bitter comments aimed at public workers, especially teachers. It seems Walker made it suddenly okay to treat teachers and public workers with open disdain.

Last week, for example, I was in my backyard grilling and overheard my "nice" neighbor in his backyard talking to someone and completely ripping on teachers. He went on a rant for a long time about how teachers get the summers off, get paid so well, have such good benefits, get in-service days to "train" when they should really be with the students instead, and have the easiest job in the world--anybody could do it. Teachers are "assholes" and "leeches," according to my neighbor.

I have heard these types of negative comments so much in the last six months that it's at times disheartening and very sad. I give public school teachers who continually go into the classroom with a smile on their face all the credit in the world.

So to my neighbor and to all the other angry, resentful people out there who are blaming teachers for society's ills, I give you Brandi Martin's blog post entitled I Ruined Everything.

Read it. Because it's true.

Kids and Technology Dependency

My oldest daughter has become more and more dependent on her iPod and laptop, just to function. She will also hole herself up in her room and probably never see the light of day if she isn't forced to.

It's been an ongoing problem for quite awhile.

Originally, the deal was that she could have her iPod from 5pm - 9pm (after homework and chores were done). And she could have her laptop from 4pm - 6pm (earlier than the iPod for homework purposes). However, it didn't turn out that way. Sneaky bugger!

So my husband and I made the decision to take both of those items away from her.

She hasn't had them for over a month now. And let me tell you, there was much pain and misery in our household as she went through what appeared to be withdrawal syndrome. Major anxiety and depression. Tears, and shouts, and anger, and happiness for awhile, and then back to tears and shouts and anger. Again and again. Up and down.

It was enough to make my husband and me pause and wonder, "What the hell did we get ourselves into?!" Still, we didn't give in. If there's one thing about me, it's that I'm stubborn as hell, and even that kind of bad behavior doesn't get me to back down.

Thankfully, she's adjusting better now. It took about two weeks, but things have calmed down. A lot.

She now hangs out with us in the living room and kitchen. She talks to us. She talks to her little sisters too and plays with them. She's nicer to them. She practices her dancing. She takes walks to the parks with us. She swims in our pool. She mows the lawn. She helps to clean the house.

It's beautiful. She's my girl again. Thank God.

But now what? Questions of when to allow her to use her iPod and laptop again, and how to manage/monitor her use of them lingers in the air. And no, I am not anywhere ready to begin contemplating her having a cellphone. Nope.

Lesson Learned from the Wisconsin Political Chaos

So much of 2011 has been dominated by the political chaos in Wisconsin since Scott Walker took office as governor. I've learned many valuable lessons since then. Perhaps I'll write about more of them, but for now, there is one lesson that sticks out most to me. It is one of the hardest and most disappointing realizations I've had: that it seems most people don't really care about others. I'm not sure why (probably naivety), but I had always been under the impression that everyone cares about the general well-being of others--that people want others to be happy, healthy, and to have a fair share of opportunities in life. I'm not talking about wanting the best for your family and friends, but wanting it for ALL people.

One time, I was having this conversation with someone and I said something along the lines of, "All those cuts to education is going to really hurt your kid's school." And the person said, "Not really. I don't think it affects me or my family at all." And I said, "But you have a son in a public school. How can it not affect you? Some of the programs, like music and advanced placement classes, will likely be cut or dramatically reduced. Your son loves music and is really smart. Don't you want his school to have those programs available?" And the person shrugged and said, "Well, I'll just pay for him to take music lessons after school then. Or I'll transfer him to a wealthy school, because those parents will donate and fundraise to make up for all the cuts." I was shocked to hear this, so I said, "But what about all those other kids whose parents can't afford to pay for private music lessons? Or kids who can't attend a wealthy school far from home because they'll have to find their own transportation and their parents can't provide it?" The person just simply shrugged as if to suggest it didn't matter at all what happened to other kids.

There have also been conversations in which people have told me, "Why should public employees be better off than me? It's not fair. I have to suffer through this bad economy, so they should suffer as well." This idea that if one person suffers, then all others need to suffer too just doesn't make sense to me. I understand that public employees are easier to blame rather than the big corporations or the very wealthy who seem far away and untouchable, but it does no good to have all people in the middle class suffer. It only leaves the corporations and the wealthy to gain more out of our unfortunate situations.

When I have conversations like these (and there have been many), it makes me really sad. Maybe it bothers me so much, because as an educator, I'm used to thinking about everybody else's kids too, not just the three that are my own. I'm used to thinking about the adults in those kids' life also, because they directly impact my students. I think about whether those homes have proper clothing, food, healthcare, jobs, education, etc. I've always thought everyone else had these same concerns for the well-being of others. It seems, however, that most people only think about themselves and the people in their immediate circle.

I hope though that I'll be proven wrong on this sad realization and that the recall elections coming up will show that there are plenty of folks out there who care enough about all people to vote for the candidates who will more likely take care of the common people and not just the wealthy. We shall see what happens in this next stage of Wisconsin's political chaos. I hope for the best.

Norwegian Sky Cruise to the Bahamas

I recently went on my very first cruise. It was on the Norwegian Sky, embarking from Miami and visiting three islands in the Bahamas.

On top of the ship looking at the port of Miami.

The first island was Grand Bahamas Island. We didn't book any excursions there, so we just visited the straw market in Freeport and went snorkeling at the beach near the market. Unfortunately, the reef there appeared half dead, so we didn't see much variety out there in the water. There was a guy on the beach selling fresh coconuts, so we bought a couple of them and sat drinking coconut juice and enjoying the beautiful weather.

Our ship docked at the island of Great Stirrup Cay.

The second island was Great Stirrup Cay, the cruise line's own private island. The snorkeling there was much better. The beach was very crowded though, so we had to venture off a little ways in order to find a quieter, less crowded spot to lounge around on the beach.

The third island we visited was Nassau. We had an excursion booked, which was to swim with dolphins at Blue Lagoon Island. I have to say that this was probably my most favorite part of the trip. I'll admit that it was a little creepy at first to be swimming with marine mammals that are as big as me, but after awhile, it was great fun. The dolphins we swam with were movie stars with film credits such as Flipper. They were so well-trained and were quite the jokesters! Touching them feels awesome--they were like soft leather. I especially enjoyed the foot push, where you lay on your belly in the water as the dolphins push your feet and propel you so fast that your body rises up out of the water as if you're flying. It was a lot of fun. Sadly, a couple months after doing this, I watched a documentary on dolphins and I felt kind of bad about these dolphins that are kept in captivity. I wonder how content they really are with their life....

As far as the ship itself, there were many things to do. We attended a comedy/magic show one of the nights; it was very funny. We also attended a variety show and another show featuring numerous Broadway tunes. We made use of the fitness center, the basketball court, the ping pong tables, the swimming pools, and the hot tubs. The biggest party on board the ship was the White Hot Party, which was pretty fun. However, it seemed to die down quickly. We also made sure to go to each of the restaurants aboard the ship (except the specialty restaurants which were not part of the cruise fare). I thought the food was very good. They had the best melons ever, especially cantaloup. I don't think I've ever eaten as much melon in my life as I ate on board the ship! The only thing about the food was that there was not as much variety (the restaurants all tended to have the same sort of food with a few exceptions here and there). Drinks, oh my god, they were so expensive. Thank goodness we're not big alcohol or soda drinkers!

Without a doubt, the best thing about the ship was the service. The workers were so friendly and polite. Any time one of them passed me, they always smiled and gave a greeting. This never failed, and it just made the atmosphere cheerful and warm. They were very efficient at their job and always approachable. It seemed like they worked all the time too! I started wondering when they got their breaks and whether they got paid fairly well for what they did. I noticed most of them were from other countries (not the U.S.). It made me wonder how they got recruited to work on the ship. I hope they are well-compensated! The workers on board the Norwegian Sky really made the cruise experience great!

Sunset on the Atlantic Ocean

Overall, my first cruise turned out to be better than I thought. I had anticipated getting really sea sick and feeling rushed, but it was a nice, relaxing vacation. I will definitely look into cruising again in the future. Hm...maybe a cruise to Europe? I've always wanted to go to Europe.......

3 Great Dads

With Father's Day coming up this weekend, I wanted to write about the three great dads in my life. 

The first is my father. He's one tough guy--very stubborn and expects nothing but the absolute best. In a way, this made life difficult growing up, but mostly, I am who I am today because of my dad being so tough on me (and on my siblings as well). I wouldn't change it for anything. He's motivated me to always strive to create a better me, so the drive I have to succeed comes in large part because of him. My dad is also very hard-working. He was orphaned from the time he was just a little boy living in Laos. He's always had to work and fend for himself. As a young teenager, he became a soldier. He started out as a kitchen cook and worked diligently, eventually moving through the ranks to become a lieutenant colonel who commanded hundreds of soldiers. What my dad has achieved in his life so far is remarkable, and I look to him to know that whatever situation life throws at you, you can always make it better. Hard work and determination do pay off. I learned that from him. 

The second dad I know is my father-in-law, who was the complete opposite of my real dad. My father-in-law was one of the most loving, fun, and personable men--rare traits for someone of the older Hmong men generation, most of whom are very serious and stoic. My father-in-law loved talking, laughing, and meeting people. He rarely ever got mad and rarely ever yelled at anyone. Because I married young, my father-in-law in many ways served as much of a father-figure to me as my real dad did. It's been seven years since my father-in-law passed away from cancer, but there are still many days in which I'm reminded of him and his gentle ways.

The third dad is my husband. He's just like his dad, very loving and calm. My husband is, in all honesty, one of the best fathers I know. He spends time with our girls and really takes care of them (everything from bathing them, shopping for clothes, cooking for them, and more). Anybody who looks at him and sees how he interacts with our kids knows that he loves them a great deal. It's that obvious. I'm so thankful that I married him, even though we were young at the time and had no idea what the hell we were doing back then. It must be luck!

Cheers to the three great dads in my life, and to all dads out there!

My First 10K Bellin Run: Great Experience

Green Bay, Wisconsin is known for the Green Bay Packers, but it's also known in the running world for the Bellin Run and the CellCom Marathon. This past Saturday (June 11, 2011), I had the opportunity to participate in the 10K Bellin Run. In case you don't know, the Bellin Run is one of the largest 10K races in the entire country. And every year, it grows bigger and bigger. This year had 18,701 participants! Some of the top elite runners and people from all over the country and even runners from outside the U.S. come to Green Bay to take part in the Bellin Run, so it is a huge annual event.

This year, I finally decided to join in to see what all the big deal was. And WOW, big deal it is! I'm so glad I was a part of it. I've run in races before but none of them compares to the Bellin Run. The sheer amount of participants and spectators really make it special. Can you imagine 18,701 runners and walkers, plus thousands of spectators lining the streets? It's amazing to see participants of all kinds, big and small, young and old. Plus, it was remarkable how well organized the whole event was. Also the weather, at a cool mid-60s with clouds, was perfect for running.

I didn't really train for the race, although in the future, I think I will, just to see how much I can challenge myself. This year, all I wanted to do was to experience it. My favorite part was when I was running the 6th mile. The cheering section there was awesome as I rounded the last couple corners to reach the finish line. There were so many people there and the cheering was so loud. Very encouraging and motivating!

This year was also the 35th year of the Bellin Run, so it was extra special. In fact, everyone who participated and crossed the finish line received a medal, which I thought was cool. Also very cool was that almost my entire family participated. My husband and I were in the main Bellin Run event, and my two oldest girls were in the Kid's Run, which was a 1/2 mile run. My 2-year-old was too little to join, but in the near future, I'm sure she'll be running right alongside us!

I will be looking forward to next year's Bellin Run! Maybe my family will make this the kick start to our summer every year.

Happy Mother's Day!

I was just thinking of my mom and all of the things she’s done so far in her lifetime. She often says that she hasn’t had an opportunity to accomplish anything. However, in my opinion, my mom has done many great things.

My mom came from the mountain-tops of Laos, where she survived and escaped the ravages of the Vietnam War. She and my father made a temporary home in a Thailand refugee camp before coming to the United States. When her plane landed here, she had no knowledge of the English language or of toilets, grocery stores, stoves, schools, and the likes. She started life all over again from scratch in a strange, new country. That is a huge accomplishment.

My mom raised 9 children (yes, nine!). I have 3 kids, and I cannot even fathom having any more. But she bore 9 children, and despite having little money, she never allowed us to go hungry or to look dirty. I think about the small income that she and my dad had back then to support the family, and I am amazed at what my mom, who was in charge of food and household matters, was able to do with the little money she had. She stretched that small amount far and wide! That is a huge accomplishment.

She also encouraged her children to go to school and do well. You see, my mom never had the chance to go to school (not even a single day in her life). She is illiterate in both English and Hmong. She has sacrificed so much time for her children and husband that there were no hours or minutes left at the end of the day for her own goals in life. Despite having had no education, my mom has always maintained a strong belief in the power of knowledge. She pushed us all to succeed in academics. Today, 7 of her 9 children have degrees beyond high school, ranging from Associate’s to Master’s Degree. The 8^th child is in the middle of her college education, and the 9^th child, still in middle school, is earning straight A’s. Due to my mom’s lack of education, she didn’t physically pave the way for us to follow in her footsteps toward educational success, but she paved the way for us mentally and spiritually. That is a huge accomplishment.

My mom taught us children the value of good work ethics. Today, all of her adult children have solid, professional careers thanks to her guidance and support. In our family, there are 3 electric/maintenance technicians, a network administrator, a professor, a nursing assistant, and a project manager. My mom has never had any job beyond the factory assembly-line work, but she made sure all of her kids would have bigger and better opportunities in the professional world, and that we would have careers and not just jobs. That is yet another huge accomplishment.

There have been other obstacles in my mom's life, which I won't mention, but she's gotten through them all. Today, my mom continues to achieve great things, many of them small but all are meaningful in their own way. Some of what my mom has gone through are things I have not yet achieved or I hope to never have to endure. She didn’t have an easy life. But I’m proud, so very proud, of what she’s accomplished. Thanks to my mom and to all great mothers out there!

My sweet mother

The Only Sure Way for America to Become "Unbroke"

Big corporations hire the best tax lawyers & lobbyists, they pay little to no taxes, and some, like General Electric, work the system so well they pay no taxes and get billions back from the government in tax "benefits." They sit on trillions of money, employ cheap labor overseas, & their CEOs make more in one day than what the average worker makes in a year. 

So who's to blame for America being "broke"? 

"Broke" implies that the money is gone, but it's not gone.

It's being held by these big corporations that are refusing to let it trickle down to the regular American people. Money's not supposed to disappear; it's supposed to circulate, but instead of using their large profits to invest in something that would create jobs, corporations are holding on to it tightly.

Many people out there hate the phrase "spread the wealth" or "wealth distribution." The very words make their skin crawl. But please understand that unless you're one of the top CEOs of these big corporations, you're not the problem. Even if you own a successful small business, you're hardly the problem. The point here is not that you need to share your wealth. I think we can all agree for the most part that if you work hard for your money and pay your taxes, then yes, you deserve the money you earn. 

What we're talking about here are BIG corporations, the few that make up the corporate elite. We're talking about companies that make profits into the billions each year (even many millionaire companies don't make it into the corporate elite club).

It's these corporations (like Microsoft, Pfizer, Morgan Stanley/JPMorgan, Time Warner, and others) that are the culprit of America being "broke." Unlike you and me, they did not get to where they are by applying the principles of hard work. Their tax evasions are an example of this. Another example can be taken from Wachovia (or now Wells-Fargo), who laundered billions in drug money and got away with it. Not a single banker went to prison for it. Even worse, their bank was bailed out in 2008 by taxpayers' money.

Why are these corporations not being asked to make sacrifices? Why are they getting even more tax breaks? Of all things, it's these big corporations that should sacrifice more, not our schools, our health, our programs for the needy, our Medicare, our Social Security, or any of the other things the government is looking to cut. I don't care if you're a Republican, Democrat, or if you claim another political standing. We all want the same things in life, and that is happiness, real opportunities for success, and a sense of financial stability. We're being denied these things, because of the greed of big corporations.

So how did these big corporations get so powerful? It's been in the making for decades, of course. Our government and many of our politicians, who side with or have been bought by corporations, contribute to the problem. And it also did not get to this magnitude without the help of regular working class citizens. Yes, we ourselves had a hand in pushing it to this point, albeit not knowingly. 

It comes down to propaganda, the manipulation of public opinion in order for these big corporations to gain a political advantage. Historically, propaganda has been used successfully. Remember Hitler, Nazi Germany, and the question of "How did they get that many people to believe in their ideologies and to actually participate?" We're currently dealing with our own heavy propaganda in America, and yes, we (the working class) are contributing to our own economic genocide.

If you're interested in propaganda and the role it has played in the problem of America being broke, there's a documentary by Australian filmmaker, Taki Oldham, called The Billionaires' Tea Party. It shows just one example of how big corporations have used propaganda to manipulate us. And yes, it happens to be about the Tea Party, but it could very well be about any of the other political groups as well. I tend to think that no political group is free of being part of the problem.

So what can we do about this? Everybody seems to have their own opinion about what is the right solution. As for me, I don't know if or when the right political candidate will ever come along to do what's right for the common person. But I do know that the only sure way we can start overcoming it is if we in the working class cease fighting one another and come together. Perhaps this is too much wishful thinking. But whether you're a conservative or a liberal or whatever, none of it really matters. We're all going to end up in the same boat. We're all going to lose. If we can't come together for a common cause and have power in numbers against corporations and their money,...well, then the only winners are the big corporations. And that's exactly how they planned it to be.
____________________________

"Our strategy should be not only to confront empire, but to lay siege to it. To deprive it of oxygen. To shame it. To mock it. With our art, our music, our literature, our stubbornness, our joy, our brilliance, our sheer relentlessness - and our ability to tell our own stories. Stories that are different from the ones we're being brainwashed to believe. The corporate revolution will collapse if we refuse to buy what they are selling - their ideas, their version of history, their wars, their weapons, their notion of inevitability. Remember this: We be many and they be few. They need us more than we need them. Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing."

          ~ Arundhati Roy ~ 

My Lasik Eye Surgery Experience

I had Lasik eye surgery done about 1.5 years ago. This is an old blog post about what it was like (originally posted to my Myspace blog).

My surgery was scheduled for 1:30pm, so I woke up and had the morning to try to relax. My husband left for a dentist appointment, and while the kids were still asleep, I went online and started reading about other people's Lasik experience---STUPID thing to do. Why? Because there are so many horror stories on the internet. It made me nervous. My husband came back from the dentist, and when I told him I had been reading bad stories, he said, "Don't do that! Get off the internet." He was right, of course. Perhaps there are so many horror stories, because those are the people who have something to complain about, and the internet is a quick, convenient way to do that. Also, I noticed that a lot of those complaints came from people who went to Lasik places that offered cheap prices. So cost should definitely not be a factor when choosing your Lasik place.

We ate lunch, and throughout the morning, we talked to the kids about mommy having eye surgery in a bit. My oldest girl was curious and asked about what they were going to do (the flap, the lasers, etc). My middle child was concerned that she wouldn't see me for a long time. I told her I'd be back home soon, but that I'd have to sleep all day after the surgery to rest my eyes. My youngest was too little to understand much.

Around 12:30, I took 1 Valium to settle the nerves. We then dropped the kids off at my mom's and went to the Lasik clinic. They took me into the "prep" room and sat me down in a recliner. There were 2 guys in recliners also, and they had already been prepped. The nurse gave me Benadryl. Why? I don't know, but I was just going to trust that they would take good care of me. She also gave me other pills to take. Later, I found out that the pills were 2 more Valiums and some amnesiac pills that would make me lose my short term memory.

The nurse then put a bunch of drops in my eyes and washed my eyelids with betadine. She also slathered on some weird stuff over my eyes that felt sticky. She said it'd keep my eyes closed for awhile. I sat like that and started feeling all the meds kick in, but I could hear the other 2 guys in the room being called one by one to go for surgery.

After awhile, the nurse came and escorted me to surgery. The room was cold to keep bacteria away. They laid me down on the operation table and positioned a machine over my head. I was very out of it, so I don't remember anything specific about what happened here. I did, however, feel one eye being taped shut and the other being opened wide with a speculum. It didn't hurt. I don't recall the laser creating the flap in the opened eye--all I knew was that the next thing happening was that my other eye was then being opened up for the laser to make the flap also.

The nurse and the doc then moved me five feet away to another operation table. I was put under the 2nd laser machine, the one that would reshape my cornea and give me good eyesight. I don't remember the doc lifting up the flaps in my eyes, but I do remember him telling me to look at an orange light. I kept trying to find it, but all I saw was this big red light. Finally, I saw this tiny, faint orange light in the distance. That must have been when the laser started its work, because it smelled like burnt squirrel.

Back when my dad used to go squirrel hunting, he'd bring them home, gut them, and use a torch to burn off the hair on the squirrel's body. (Yes, we were poor and broke as heck! Despite being poor, I hated eating squirrel and never ate it, but the rest of my family had many decent meals out of them.) But anyway, at the moment my eyes were being lasered, I remember it smelled distinctly like burnt squirrel. What a memory to have while in the middle of surgery!

The whole time this was happening, the nurse was holding my hand and gently rubbing it--such a minor thing but it was calming, and out of everything happening, I remember it most clearly. It didn't seem long before they told me I was done and helped me to sit up. The doc said, "Look straight ahead. Who do you see?" I looked, and there was my husband in this small room with a window looking into the surgery room. I could see him clearly. Very cool! I smiled and waved at him. He was able to watch my whole surgery from that room, where there was a TV monitor that showed up close everything being done to my eyes (the laser machines have a camera inside).

The nurse walked me back into the prep room and sat me down on a recliner. She put more drops in my eyes and told me to keep them closed for a few minutes. After awhile, she walked me out to the waiting room, where my husband was. And then from there on out, my mind became a total blank. I don't recall leaving the clinic or getting in the car and coming home. My husband says I walked on my own, climbed into the car, and seat-belted myself. I even talked the whole way home, but I have no recollection of doing any of those things whatsoever. Since I have no memory of this car ride home, my husband claims I made all kinds of promises to him. Right. :D

The next thing I remember was waking up suddenly and everything was utterly dark. I panicked and reached up to feel my eyes, and then I realized I had my eye covers on (I usually wear those to block out light when I have migraines). Underneath that, I had eye shields taped on, which the doc had given me to wear so I wouldn't rub my eyes in my sleep. I took those off and could see pretty clearly, except the edges were very hazy. My eyes also felt like they had contacts put in that were inside out (those of you who wear contacts know what that's like!). I put in some eye drops and went back to sleep.

When I woke up next, it was 8:30pm. I went into the bathroom and looked at my eyes. There were red bruisings on the white part of my eyes. It looked like my eyeballs had gone through some serious punching. But otherwise, everything else looked fine. The sensation of having contacts in that were inside out had diminished a little. Other than that, I felt no pain at all and no discomfort.

The day after surgery, I woke up, took off the eye shields, and looked around to test my vision. I could see clearer and the edges were no longer hazy. The red bruisings in my eyes were still there though. I was scheduled for a post-op appointment that morning, and I decided my vision was good enough that I could drive myself. When I stepped outside onto my porch, I immediately thought, "Oh my god! Everything is so crisp and the colors are so beautiful!" Inside the house, I couldn't really tell the difference. My vision was clear, but everything looked the same as if I still had contacts or glasses on. It must be the lighting, because outside in the sun, everything looked so crisp. It was like high definition TV. Literally.

At the post-op appointment, I told the doc about feeling like I had contacts in that were inside out. He checked my eyes and said it wasn't the flaps; those were healing perfectly. It was most likely due to my eyes being dry, which is common after Lasik surgery. I'd have to use lubricant eye drops regularly. Along with that, I'd have to use anti-inflammatory drops, drops that fight infection, and drops that relieve pain and discomfort. Sounds like a lot of drops, but the only one I'd have to use for awhile were the lubricant ones. The other ones I could stop after a few days. Also, no swimming for a week. Other than that, I could return to my normal routine--work, exercise, etc.

After the doc left, the nurse gave me a vision test. One day after surgery and I could see 20/20. I was in disbelief. I had been so nearsighted for 15+ years (I was around -5.5 prescription), and I just couldn't believe I was done with glasses and contacts---completely DONE!

My eyes remained dry for about 3 months after, but that problem slowly disappeared and I now no longer need to use lubricant eye drops. I experienced no other problems at all. At my last eye check-up, my vision was still 20/20. Since having Lasik, the number of migraines I normally get have drastically decreased as well (I am not sure if this has anything to do with Lasik but they certainly correlate to me).

I used to forget and think that I still had contacts or glasses on, but then I'd remember that I didn't need them ever again, and this big smile would creep across my face. Getting Lasik eye surgery was truly amazing and is, without a doubt, the best thing I've ever done for myself. Money well spent.

Privatizing Education: Good or Bad?

From The Daily Page

Can we afford to let education become corporate, even in spirit?

An educational system largely privatized and run by companies will create fierce competition between schools. Will that be a driving force leading to improved quality of education? Sure. For some schools.

Will it lead to improved quality of education for all kids?

Or will it create a deeper segregation of our society and favor only some people rather than the common good (as the above comic suggests)?

Will there be an even bigger increase in economic disparity?

Do all children deserve an equal chance to excel in life through a good education?

Those are questions I feel deserve careful consideration before we can attempt to privatize schools and establish them as mainstream education, as is the current aim in Wisconsin.

We also need to look at the nations with the best ranking schools in the world. Finland, for example, has students who consistently outscore American children and others. I think it's interesting that Finland's educational system is not based on competition at all. They have public schools, and all students attend for free, even up into the college level. In Finland, you could go to school to become a lawyer or a doctor and spend years in college without worrying about having enough money to pay for tuition or incurring debt. And get this: you even get a government allowance to help pay for rent, food, etc, while you're a college student. Finland's teachers must hold no less than a master's degree in order to teach, and it seems that the teaching profession in Finland is among one of the most highly respected fields. They don't just say it; they actually mean it. The best and brightest people in Finland are drawn to the teaching profession because of the high level of respect associated with that career.

Could it be that they value education more, or perhaps in a different way than we do in America?

Just some things to think about when it comes to what is best for our children--not my children, or your children, but ALL of our children.

The Power of Writing & Why William Cronon is Being Targeted

Why is there so much attention paid to Professor William Cronon of UW-Madison? Why do the Republicans care so much about his blog post on the American Legislative Exchange Council? 

Because a piece of writing can be an extremely powerful thing. Oftentimes, people see oral communication and physical actions as most important, and they forget how much impact written communication can have. A very good friend of mine reminded me recently of how much the rich and powerful fear great writers and thinkers, which is what makes Professor Cronon such a danger to them. As my friend said, the rich and powerful fear great writers and thinkers even more than all the muscles of the world. After all, there have been many books, articles, pamphlets, etc, that have essentially changed history. 

Thomas Paine's political pamphlet called Common Sense, for example, is often credited with having sparked the American Revolution. Prior to its publication, a lot of the early American colonies were perfectly content with being under British rule. If you think about it, for a single pamphlet to give rise to the birth of a new nation...well, that's quite remarkable, isn't it? That's how powerful writing is. It can literally change the world. 

In his blog post about the American Legislative Exchange Council (or ALEC), Professor Cronon brought to light a behind-the-scenes organization, backed by corporate interests, that many American citizens never knew about. All of a sudden, so many people are looking up ALEC on the internet, wondering what it's really about and wanting to investigate it, so much so that the organization's website (as of today) suddenly shut down (which makes one wonder--what do they have to hide?). Soon after Professor Cronon's blog post, he also published an opinion piece in the New York Times about how far Republicans in Wisconsin have strayed from Wisconsin's traditions. 

Without a doubt, Professor Cronon has reminded us of the importance of questioning authority and questioning the world around us. It may perhaps lead to change. And the Republicans are now attempting to threaten and silence Professor Cronon.

Academic freedom, valid research, and the ability to intelligently question should never be hindered.

Why We Revolt

I recently read and enjoyed this article on the occurrences of revolutions and why or how they happen: Why We Revolt: Egypt, Wisconsin, and the Wherefore of Revolution by Rebecca Solnit. It provides inspiration and brief background information on how revolutions have begun and how they've succeeded.

It's amazing the sacrifices people have made in order to advance society in a sound direction. Solnit writes of regular, every day people who took matters into their own hands, people such as an unknown rapper, a college student, a U.S. Army private, a young woman in a black veil, and others. Solnit ponders the question of why revolutions occur when they do. How much can people take before they've had enough and decide to push back rather than fall? Why do the actions of one or two ordinary people suddenly inspire and ignite a revolution?

I've certainly thought of those questions in connection to the protests happening here in Wisconsin. Long before Scott Walker took office as governor, I've been bothered about the problem of wealth distribution in this country as I'm sure others may have been too. However, we were passive. Not only that, but the notion of speaking openly about it and declaring it wrong and un-American seemed..."radical." We're a capitalist society after all, aren't we? Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? On the rare occasions when I've heard wealth distribution talked about, words such as communism or socialism swiftly entered the conversation. People were quick to assert that what they worked for belonged to them; why should they have to share it with others?

But now, suddenly something has changed. Something has shifted to enable us to think beyond the "me" syndrome and think in terms of "us" as in all of us in the working class. If Michael Moore had shown up in Wisconsin just a couple months earlier, I'm sure he wouldn't have received such a booming welcome. Indeed, as I watched his speech a couple weeks ago in front of the crowd of nearly 70,000 applauding Wisconsinites, I almost couldn't believe that that many people agreed. It made me realize how much we've changed in such a short time.

It's not a new thing--what the corporate elite and their politicians are doing. It's been going on for decades or more, so why now have we in the working class suddenly risen up together to say no to them? It seems it took somebody like Scott Walker, someone brazen and unafraid, someone who doesn't even care much to hide behind the facade of "let's pretend to be nice to the people," for us to realize just how bad it's going to get for the working class if we don't stand up. That's the one good achievement that Scott Walker can be credited with.

Solnit writes in her article:

"It is remarkable how, in other countries, people will one day simply stop believing in the regime that had, until then, ruled them, as African-Americans did in the South here 50 years ago. Stopping believing means no longer regarding those who rule you as legitimate, and so no longer fearing them. Or respecting them." 

That's the point where we're at in Wisconsin and in America at large. Many of us no longer trust in and respect some of the people who govern us. We no longer believe they hold our interests at heart. Solnit continues on:

"Revolution is also the action of people pushed to the brink. Rather than fall over, they push back. When he decided to push public employees hard and strip them of their collective bargaining rights, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker took a gamble. In response, union members, public employees, and then the public of Wisconsin began to gather on February 11th. By February 15th, they had taken over the state’s capitol building as the revolution in Egypt was still at full boil. They are still gathering. Last weekend, the biggest demonstration in Madison’s history was held, led by a “tractorcade” of farmers. The Wisconsin firefighters have revolted too. And the librarians. And the broad response has given encouragement to citizens in other states fighting similar cutbacks on essential services and rights.

Republicans like to charge the rest of us with “class war” when we talk about economic injustice, and that’s supposed to be a smear one should try to wriggle out of. But what’s going on in Wisconsin is a class war, in which billionaire-backed Walker is serving the interests of corporations and the super-rich, and this time no one seems afraid of the epithet. Jokes and newspaper political cartoons, as well as essays and talks, remark on the reality of our anti-trickle-down economy, where wealth is being pumped uphill to the palaces at a frantic rate, and on the reality that we’re not poor or broke, just crazy in how we distribute our resources.

What’s scary about the situation is that it is a test case for whether the party best serving big corporations can strip the rest of us of our rights and return us to a state of poverty and powerlessness. If the people who gathered in Madison don’t win, the war will continue and we’ll all lose.

Oppression often works—for a while. And then it backfires. Sometimes immediately, sometimes after several decades. Walker has been nicknamed the Mubarak of the Midwest. Much of the insurrection and the rage in the Middle East isn’t just about tyranny; it’s about economic injustice, about young people who can’t find work, can’t afford to get married or leave their parents’ homes, can’t start their lives. This is increasingly the story for young Americans as well, and here it’s clearly a response to the misallocation of resources, not absolute scarcity. It could just be tragic, or it could get interesting when the young realize they are being shafted, and that life could be different. Even that it could change, quite suddenly, and for the better."

What's happening in Wisconsin is not an immediate battle with immediate results. This passage of Solnit's reminds us of what has yet to come:

"It’s all very well to organize on Facebook and update on Twitter, but these are only preludes. You also need to rise up, to pour out into the streets. You need to be together in body, for only then are you truly the public with the full power that a public can possess."

There needs to be more demonstrations, more visible outcries. Uprisings not just in Wisconsin, but all over America. We can no longer be passive about wealth being concentrated in the hands of a few. We in the working class didn't cause the economic collapse. We suffer the most from it, and yet we're being told to make more sacrifices while the corporate elite receive bailouts and tax breaks. This is our boiling point. Time to make changes.

Biggest Madison, WI Rally Yet -- March 12, 2011

I spent yesterday at the Madison capitol rally, joined by my husband, my oldest daughter, my little sister, and my niece and her family.

We arrived at around 11:30am and just missed the farmer's tractorcade. Hear how farmers and rural WI communities will be affected. There were already a lot of people there. We marched around, joined in some chants, and then went up onto the capitol lawn to listen to speeches.

We heard actress, Susan Sarandon, speak. She quoted someone from the Farm Labor Organization Committee who said, “It’s okay if it’s impossible. The object is not to win. The object is to do the right and the good thing.” A farmer also gave a speech equating Gov. Scott Walker and his Republicans to being pigs, who have no understanding and heed nobody else but themselves.

Afterwards, we went back on the road and marched some more. The kids got a little worn out, so we found a good resting place to sit for awhile. At 2pm, we went to eat at a Lao/Vietnamese restaurant off of State Street. 

We wanted to rejoin the protests at 3pm for the big rally. However, as we made our way back to the capitol along State Street, we found ourselves stuck. In the 45-minutes that we were inside the restaurant, it seemed that the crowd size had doubled. All around us, people were packed—literally shoulder-to-shoulder with absolutely no moving room. At one point, we could no longer inch our way closer to the capitol and had to make do with being quite a ways across the street and half a block down. The 3pm speeches had begun, but we could only vaguely make out what they were saying.

Being that I stand at five feet small, my view consisted of the backs of the protesters in front of me. However, I was able to see a tiny bit and snap a few decent photos. Here is one of them:

The mass of protesters in front of me.

As you can imagine, our kids did not fare well being closed in a cramped space, so my niece’s husband took all the kids with him and they made their way out of the crowd.

With just my husband, my niece, and myself left, we were able to slowly inch our way closer to the capitol until we were actually on the capitol grounds and not too far from the speakers (being small has some advantages after all!). We must have missed the speeches by Reverend Jesse Jackson and the 14 Democratic Senators. I’m assuming this was while we were still a ways away from the capitol. We did, however, hear actor, Tony Shalhoub of the television show Monk, speak. He emphasized our actions at the capitol and state-wide as being a movement. I hope we will prove that it is, in fact, a movement. Certainly, our numbers at this last rally indicates it won’t die out any time soon.

A couple weeks ago, I was at the Madison rally that had 100,000 protesters in attendance. That one was huge, but this one, without a doubt, was much larger. Today, I’m reading reports of the numbers being around 100,000 again, but I’m positive that with protesters coming and going, and with everybody spread out all around the capitol and in the streets nearby, the number was much greater. Last time, I know for sure I was not crammed up against other people. 

At one point, I found a ledge to stand up on. At my elevated position, I turned around to glance at all sides of me, and that's when it really hit me: how exciting and huge this was. All I could see was what looked like a mile long stretch of protesters everywhere—behind me and to the left and right of me. Nothing but a massive crowd of protesters. Simply amazing.

Look! All the way down State Street, protesters as far as the eye could see. For a panoramic view, click here.

I’ve never seen a group of people this big and this united, passionate, and energized (and peaceful too—no arrests!). Never have I seen something like this in my lifetime, and perhaps I’ll never see something of this magnitude again. If you haven't experienced something like this before, take a look at this: 360 view of the protests (view in HD).

I think, as of now, we might be done with large-scale visible protests such as this one, but it doesn’t mean it's over. It only means we are now fighting back in the form of recalls, canvassing, and soon, re-elections. 

Controversial Wisconsin Bill Passes: What It Feels Like

So...what does it feel like? It's hard to describe as this past week has been one of the most trying and fascinating weeks I've experienced in a long time.

Trying, because on Monday, my husband (a public school teacher) had to vote, along with over a thousand other teachers in his district, on a rushed contract that the school board set before them. Some information had leaked that in the next few days, Gov. Walker's budget repair bill would pass. So the idea of this rushed contract was to get something voted and ratified before the bill took effect. To give an idea of what this new contract looks like, I'll use my husband as an example. Basically, his take home pay will be reduced by about $8000. For someone with a master's degree and nine years experience, he will be bringing home less than $40,000 next school year. Class size, stipends, planning time, number of sections, and more are "suspended." We're not sure exactly what that means. It's a dismal contract, for sure. However, teachers at that Monday night's meeting were told that this contract was bad, but once the bill passes, it will be worse. Should they vote yes to this already dismal contract or be firm and vote no? As one teacher said to me, it was like voting between "worse" and "worse." At the end of the night, fear won and the new contract was passed. I've heard that some of the teachers who voted yes felt "dirty." I understand that feeling, because when my husband came home and we sat down together to look at the contract, I couldn't help but feel that education was being raped. There were some teachers who voted no, as the new contract is really not that different from what Walker wants, but still, in the end, fear presided.

It was also a trying week for my husband and me due to some family quarrels over the budget bill. We have some family members who vehemently support Walker, and this week, it escalated a bit. I won't go into details as I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate it (although they most likely don't read my blog anyway). But hopefully, this will be the worst of it.

Trying also, because of Wednesday night's events at the capitol when the Republican senators took the original budget repair bill, split it, and passed what is apparently most of the bill anyway. And on Thursday, the assembly voted to pass it as well. Today, Walker is expected to sign it and make it law.

In the middle of all of these events Wednesday and Thursday, I felt outraged, disconcerted, and a bit afraid of what the future held. And then late last night, I climbed into bed, pulled the covers over me, and was just lying there. I listened to the quietness around me, and that's when I felt sadness. A deep sadness. This morning, I woke up with a heavy heart.

I value public education a great deal. I was once a poor, disadvantaged kid, the child of refugees who had nothing. But public education changed that for me. I would not have a masters degree and be teaching college right now if not for public education. It gave me an equal chance to succeed, just like other kids who were much better off than me. So I credit public education for everything I've accomplished and have yet to accomplish. The drastic changes to public education makes me very sad. And then of course, when the bill passed in the manner it did, it felt like democracy was raped also.

BUT...no matter how I feel today, tomorrow I will be back at the capitol to rally and to show my support and encouragement. You might be wondering why I chose to describe these times as trying but also fascinating. It's fascinating because it's so unbelievable that this is actually happening. I never in a million years would've thought that teachers and other public workers would be publicly denounced and declared the enemy, and that some people would actually buy into it and regard it as truth.

This whole nightmare might have already happened to us, but I refuse to believe that it will last. After all, nothing is lost until you give up.